Privacy Policy

“With thanks to Writers’ HQ, my supreme writing commander, glorious leader and excellent but tiny overlord, who has verily granted me permission to use their splendid and sary Privacy Policy.”

Privacy Policy

Wow has anyone ever read one of these?

I have to have one of these dealios to explain how I comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there's not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.

Also, I don’t really know what these things are. I’m just a smut-junkie who thought I’d have a laugh and get other people reading and laughing with me.

The best bit about the GDPR is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, motherfuckers, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.

So. Here we go…

TL;DR
I'm a tiny, overstretched book blog and I don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that I'm not evil – I'm as corruptible as anyone – I'm just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity.

I collect and store the info I need to provide you with the service you request from me, like reviews.  That’s really it.

COOKIES
 Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes, I use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want my delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to me when nothing does what it’s supposed to.
  

STALKY VISITOR TRACKING
Look, I'm following you, ok? I use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real-time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people are looking at so I can post more of the stuff you like.

None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that I’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All I see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with me by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing my stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time LIKE READING. 

DATA STORAGE
DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal fuck-tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. I store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?

Here on this website! If you contact me on this site I will store your name and email address. I don't sell anything, I'm just a book blog, so your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. I obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only two people have access to it. Only one of them ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have.

I’ll be honest: I do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. 

Mailerlite, which is the system I use to manage my newsletters and emails. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button.

EMAIL AND NEWSLETTERS
If you sign up for my newsletter, I will send you a newsletter –  You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in Mailerlite.

Mailerlite automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link I KNOW. If you open an email I KNOW. If you ignore me  I KNOW.

The most important thing about this is I have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.

YOUR RIGHT TO BE DELETED
FINE FUCK OFF THEN WE DON’T CARE. If you want to go undercover, just chuck me an email at [email protected] and I’ll delete all the info I have on you from my systems while having a passive-aggressive huff about what I could have possibly done wrong.

SOCIAL MEDIA AND ALL THAT BOLLOCKS
I use social media a lot, partly to promote books but mostly as a vehicle for my creative swearing and fangirling over my favorite authors. If you talk to me in my Facebook group and I become familiar with you, I might find you on Twitter and say hello. You can ask me to be less friendly if you wish and I will, of course, respect your boundaries.  

You are not required to follow my social media accounts and I won’t ask any volunteers to temper themselves in the service of me. If they turn out to be racist, bigoted dipshits then I wanna know so I can tell them to go to hell.

 

Got it? Read it? Done it? WELL FUCKING DONE YOU! Celebrate your achievement with a gold star.

Changes to this Privacy Policy

I reserve the right to make changes to this Privacy Policy. Last modification was made on April, 20, 2019.